I wear my soul on my sleeve at night, I lose control of my autonomic mind. And I saw the rage burning in your eyes, follow me down we’ll get paralyzed..
I’m tired of living in this house. As much as I try to excel and be someone I’m just simply not enough. I don’t go out, I don’t drink, do drugs, I’m literally a good kid now. I even have a superior education. And I still get threatened, disrespected, talked shit on. I’m just tired of it. I forget to do one simple task and I’m almost out the door. My car insurance policy has the incorrect VIN number. I forgot to call today because I was busy with something else and because of that it goes out of proportion with my dad.
I swear to Satan, if he hits me I don’t know what I’m going to do. Either I’m killing him or I make sure he stays in prison. 3 strikes buddy, one more and you’re out for good.
I can care less if you’re gone. My mother and I made it without you for 10 years. In and out of shelters but we made it. I’m a grown man, I don’t need you and never did. Respect is earned.
People say to be grateful for what you have, and I am. I am grateful for having an education, a place to sleep, a vehicle, and that significant other; not to exclude health and a prospering family. I know I still don’t have a job and even with all these business opportunities popping up, I still cannot seem to take that first step onto the stairs. If it’s not one thing it’s the other; however, I am grateful for having the business partners I have. If it wasn’t for my failure I wouldn’t have met them.
I am growing older. Things are not taking into the shape as they’re supposed to be, these baby steps aren’t cutting it for a soon to be 20 year old.
I see my parents too getting older and much more weary. It saddens me, just pains me that I cannot help. Sometimes I just wish I could leave them so I don’t have to be another mouth to feed but I cannot leave them just like that. That useless feeling, as usual.
On top of that, I guess I finally found that love. That other half, “media naranja”. I just wish you could see that I’m not bull shitting you when I express my feelings towards you, what I say is true otherwise I would not be wasting my time. I know you’re confused, I know you’re afraid. I can see it in your eyes and even from your voice’s tone. I, too know it’ll take a while to get passed your barriers and obtain the key to your heart but just bear with my complex self. I just wish you would let me show to you, that you would see what I say is true and not a hoax.
Even though, as much as I want to illustrate these emotions I yet again cannot. Hope you bear with my useless self and understand my poor ‘actions’.
Also, Even with all the affection I am receiving, I still feel bit. Like a shard or fragment is missing. I wish I knew what it was but sadly I do not. Hope I find out soon or you help me with that task. You’re probably reading this wondering what the fuck am I saying, but I just hope you can see through me, just as my eyes are the windows to my and your soul.